I will tell my kid to hit yours back

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Will it be the first response they should do? No. I will tell them to try working it out with them first. I firmly believe this is what parents should instruct all children to do first, rather than running to involve an authority figure off the bat. Telling them to run and tell as the first option ends up raising a generation of people with little ability to resolve their own problems. They then grow up to be people who may be particularly despised. You know, the coworker who runs to the boss or customer demanding to speak to a manager before even attempting to take whatever issue up with you. They give the excuse that they are do not like conflict, but it would not be an issue if encouraged to effectively deal with disagreements at as young age.

If the diplomatic route is a no go, I will tell them to tell the teacher or whoever the adult is in charge. And maybe there is a chance this will actually resolve the issue. But as someone who knows what it is like to be bullied, I know it seldom does for several reasons. For one, it is usually just their word against the other kid’s. And if it is a popular kid, their friends will lie for them. With no clear way to determine who started what, many teachers will not be left with much of anything to act on. And even if they did, what can they really do? They cannot be there every time something happens and it certainly will not cause the bully to respect the other child. And when it comes to a true bully, this will only cause them to come down even harder once the teacher is not around. It is highly doubt that a teacher will follow the student home just to ensure they do not get chased home from school.

I will not tell the teacher to keep the other child away from my child. Once again, it teaches the child to avoid handling their own problems and always rely on their parents to gripe and complain until the teacher gives in just to get them out of their hair. Not to mention, it certainly is not fair to put the teacher in such a position. If they are already trying to manage and teach anywhere between 15-30 or more kids, do you really think they have time to individually keep track of how many feet two particular students are from each other? Not to mention, what would happen if every parent made such a request whenever they did not like some other child for whatever reason? I am just not fond of demanding exceptions for my child that would not extend to others as well.

So if your kid picks on my kid and will not respond to the other alternatives, I have my conscience is clear when telling my child to give them a hard one to the jaw. As much as we like to promote all the “talk it out” after-school special shtick, we know good and well it probably will not be work at the time it comes out of our mouths. Nonetheless, we say it anyway because it is the politically correct response to give them. However, many adults cannot be reasoned with to resolve conflicts civilly, yet we really talk as if children are supposed to be rational? Nine out of ten times someone is bullied for irrational reasons rather than because of an “if you’d just do this I’d leave you alone” scenario.

When it comes down to it, all some kids ever care to understand is whether or not someone can kick their butt. If you cannot accomplish that feat, they could care less about anything another child says to them. True bullies will almost always pick the easiest targets; a.k.a. those they have assessed to be the least capable of fighting back. So yes, I know schools have over-reaching zero tolerance policies. And I  know it is not the politically correct advice  to tell your child. But if your child refuses to accept anything other than a fist as the message to step off, my child will be encouraged to accommodate that learning plan. I am all for education after all.

By Corey Dorsey

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4 thoughts on “I will tell my kid to hit yours back”

  1. tell your kid to love instead, for they (and you also) do not know what this kids background and path in life really is. Unlimited love and showing this to others as an example is my opinion of how to treat a situation. Not letting others take advantage of you and fight back is a means to a cause, but only a means at best. to be an example, you have to be loving, and many figures in history have proven this to be a fact. that you as a parent feel protective of your kid, and for your kid not to understand the meaning of this is natural, but see where natural (as in human interaction) brought us in this world. look around. this is not what you want to teach your kids growing up from the start. teach them to love. Every possible fight (be it physical or mental) is not necessary, and when violence is necessary, hate is inevitable.

    Don’t hate. Try to understand in the most difficult of situations. be an example evermore than trying to be a tutor of your own ideals and values. rate yoru values truly before you judge, and judge your values and beliefs before bestowing them upon another being, be it your child or anyone else. Just be, be yourself. be the most magnificent person you want to and can be. For what you are, is the only thing that matters to them, because in the end it’s the only thing that matters to you.

    be kind, be loving.

    1. Hi Rens and thank you for reading and commenting. As for adults, I would not condone using physical force except in the most extreme of situations. I am very much about love; which may sometimes require tough love. Children do not rationalize in the same way adults do, and therefore trying to approach the situation with adult reasoning often seems to fail; and the children unfortunately being bullied are quite aware of this. I work with children for a living and have come to understand quite a lot about how they think. What a bully respects the most in another child is them standing up for themselves. When they are not deterred by other attempts to resolve the situation, they make it very clear that nothing short of the other child making it cost them to continue bullying them is in order. When talking about love, we must also consider the bullied child. Will they feel loved if we are to tell them they pretty much have to endure beatdowns because it shows love to their bully? Out of love, one of the best lessons we can teach them is to stand up for themselves; appropriately. The point of this post was for violence to be the very last resort, but if it gets to that point I can understand why a child would do so. They may need to send a message for survival purposes. Otherwise that bully and any other who comes across their path will believe it is open season on them. But that one time of letting a relentless child have it may actually prevent that bully and others from feeling it is safe to abuse them again.

      1. My dad was a big proponent of me standing up for myself. When I was young (starting around first grade) I was picked on for having big ears, for being a “loser” and whatever other mean things some of my peers but especially the older kids would come up with. They’d pull my pigtails, pinch my ears, and just point and laugh as I would tear up and try to hide my pain. As I grew and entered the third grade, I found out I could run pretty fast…and instead of running away, I started running after them–because my dad told me not to take their crap. I’d always begin with “leave me alone”, and then, “I mean it,” but when they wouldn’t stop, I’d pursue them and tackle them–they got the point. One time a kid kept picking on me on the bus, and I finally warned him that I was going to punch him if he didn’t stop. When he didn’t stop, I turned around, punched him square in the nose, and watched as the blood started to pour out. And you know what? There wasn’t a time after that moment that I ever got picked on again. I wasn’t known as a bully, because I was a nice girl with lots of friends who smiled at everyone and played with anyone. But I stood up to bullies. And I hit someone. He later became one of my good friends, but when we were both young and irrational, the only message he seemed to listen to was a right hook from the girl in pigtails sitting in front of him on the bus.

        I’m all about teaching children to love, but I also believe kids need to learn how to stand up for themselves. I became friends with a lot of those kids that used to pick on me because I never disliked them as a person, just disliked the actions they chose to display. Once they grew out of that phase, or learned a different method of interacting with others that wasn’t bullying them, or in some cases, realized that I was still kind to them after they were mean to me and I chased them down and tackled them, we got along with each other. My dad never said I should be mean to someone else, or hit them for no good reason. But he did teach me to love others regardless of what they said or did to me, and he was a big proponent of me standing up for myself.

        1. Hi Michelle and thank you for your comments. It seems like sometimes in our adult world we forget the playground operates by an entirely different set of rules. Sometimes that fist to the nose of the bully is the most loving thing you could do to teach them to stop treating kids that way. I say better they get a punch in the face and learn it while they’re young, than to continue doing it when they’re older with much harsher consequences. And in the world we live in today, who wouldn’t prefer that to the bullied kid coming and shooting up the school?

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