31 thoughts waiters & waitresses wish they could say out loud

Image by warszawianka

“Since someone took the time to print menus full of pictures, descriptions and prices, why are you slowing me down by asking the exact same information?”

“If you’re expecting to get 5 star service, please go dine at a 5 star restaurant. Stop expecting to be pampered at a run of the mill franchise establishment.”

“Since I don’t collect tips in a g-string, I’d really appreciate it if you would keep your hands to yourself!”

“Did it really save you that much money when you asked for extra lemons with your water and used up all the sugar packets to make your own lemonade?”

“When the meal specials say starting at $_____, it means the price goes up from there. So please stop saying someone tricked you because you misread and convinced yourself you could get a steak dinner with an appetizer and dessert for 10 bucks.”

“If you really have that much of a problem with tipping, then stop eating at places where people are encouraged or required to tip. Problem solved.”

“If you’re going to hang around and chat for an extended period of time, at least go ahead and pay so I can cash out and leave when my shift is done. Otherwise I can’t leave until you leave.”

“So even though I brought a sizzling hot cast iron skillet to your table full of crackling sounds, a cloud of smoke and told you “be careful,” you’re still going to act like I didn’t warn you enough before you burned yourself?”

“Hey, I understand kids are messy. But you could at least try to organize a bit before you leave; especially if you don’t care to tip too well for all the cleaning I’ll have to do afterwards.”

“Exactly why are you expecting a $2-4 drink special to be so potent? And what makes you think we’re going to put more alcohol in it for free until you think it’s strong enough?”

“No you cannot substitute another entrée for a side item. You do understand the point of a business is to make money right?”

“The price is on the menu for a reason, so stop acting so surprised when the bill comes.”

“Yes it’s automatic gratuity for large tables! You try waiting on 15 people at once while simultaneously serving 5 other tables and see how easy it is.”

“I really would take your food complaints a lot more seriously, had you not eaten 9/10 of your plate before demanding for your meal to be discounted.”

“If you’re going to pop in right before closing time, at least be quick about it or leave a generous tip. I’m sure you would want the same when your shift is up where you work.”

“Most of us are paid well below minimum wage per hour because we’re expected to make up the difference in tips. So the answer is no; getting tipped is rarely an extra commission on top of a full salary.”

“Understand I don’t cook the meals. Therefore, tip according to the service you received and not the taste and preparation of the food.”

“So you really came into a packed house and see the line waiting in the lobby, but actually expect to have a full meal sitting on the table in 10 minutes? Really?”

“If you are so dissatisfied with this restaurant to the point of complaining to the management and corporate offices every visit, exactly why do you keep showing up here week after week? I’m sure the discounts and coupons they keep sending when you do have nothing to do with it.”

“Why are you people so obsessed with lemons in your water? Does it really throw such a monkey wrench in your day to receive a glass of water without a piece of lemon floating in it?”

“Oh no you didn’t just drive here with a car full of kids by yourself and start boozing it up!”

“I’m just saying this from the start to be clear with everyone. I am a server, not a therapist. It’s not that I lack a compassionate side, but it’s pretty hard to both bring everyone their food on time and listen to all the personal problems you’re unloading onto me.”

“Sir, it’s a part of my job to be very charming and friendly towards you when we interact. The little smiley face I drew on the receipt is also a part of this. So do not assume I’m trying to hit on you or want to give you my number when I show you positive female attention you may not normally receive…unless it will result in a very good tip.”

“So you’re really going to give a nasty attitude to the person handling your food in areas where you can’t see them? I’m not saying I would do anything, but if you’re usually like this I have no doubt you’ve consumed a good portion of other people’s saliva and random floor particles.”

“I’m not trying to be all in your business, but I saw you take that wedding ring off before your date arrived. And the fact that you guys were so overly affectionate only furthers my suspicions that the crew from Cheaters could come busting in at any moment.”

“Leaving a track instead of a tip is the worst possible evangelism you could ever do! It would be better if you did nothing at all than to use your religion as a front for your stinginess!”

“Ma’am I’m not trying to hit on your boyfriend or husband. A part of getting better tips is being nice to everyone when they sit at one of my tables. So you really need to stop giving me the evil eye whenever I walk past and think I care to be his side item. If he could be picked up by his waitress, I’m sure he has one already anyway.”

“Why oh why, would you come to a sit-down restaurant on a 30 minute lunch break? And why of all things would you order a well done steak on top of that?”

“Maybe you should go to a real bar instead of hanging out and getting tore up at the one in the middle of a family restaurant. At least most of the people there come with the possibility of hooking up in mind; unlike the waitresses you’re constantly trying to flirt with”

“If you don’t want to tip or plan to leave coins, just say it upfront so I can provide you with an appropriate level of service to match your generosity.”

“Many of us are working towards degrees or other career goals. And even if we aren’t, it really gives you no right to speak to us as if we’re somehow beneath you or care to have our dignity stomped on. The fact that you believe a $5 tip, if even that, is enough for you to expect someone to come to your table and worship you clearly says more about your character than any level of service I will provide.”

By Corey Dorsey

Comment below with sites you already belong to or use the default commenting method

Loading Facebook Comments ...

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *