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When it comes to daughters and dating, many men take the path of resisting it for as long as possible. Admittedly, kids in general should probably leave relationships of that type alone until they are more mature and developed. But perhaps the most proactive thing men can do is to prepare them to more effectively navigate that rocky terrain with some well placed wisdom.
1. We actually do respect holding out
It may sound cliché, but it really is true. If sex was able to win a guy over, why would so many of them seek to sleep with as many women as possible? When it comes to sex, most guys who push the issue are more concerned with quantity than quality.
2. Chivalry is not character
While many equate opening doors and pulling out chairs with being a good man, these are actually learned cultural behaviors. There are guys who have never been taught these things, yet are responsible and faithful companions. There are also those who do the chivalry thing very well, but are controlling and disloyal when it really matters.
3. Confidence is attractive and insecurity is dangerous
Regardless of many other factors, someone who is confident in who they are can be perceived as attractive to others. Conceitedness should not be confused with confidence as the former is typically built on validation from others. On the other hand, insecurity is usually unattractive except to those you want to avoid. A woman with visible insecurities is like blood in the water to player and pimp types looking to prey on the wounded.
4. Idle threats are a grave error
Never make a threat to a guy which you do not fully intend to follow through on. Once he realizes a few gifts and some sweet talking will smooth things over, do not expect him to take your demands seriously. This includes those break-ups initiated with the hope of soon getting back together.
5. Pretty has little to do with cheating
All men who cheat do so for a variety of reasons ranging from feeling unappreciated to having little sense of loyalty. But should a man ever be unfaithful to you, focus more on what the issue was for him than what she had going for her. Otherwise, you can end up dwelling on comparisons between you and her instead of the issue at hand. You may also lead yourself into a false sense of security by believing a less attractive woman is no real threat. (Also see: 12 types of guys who will cheat on you)
6. Age and weight secrecy baffles us
One thing us guys cannot understand for the life of us is the whole idea of keeping your age or weight a secret from us. Most men are visually based. Therefore, they will care more about how old or shapely you look than any numbers attached. And if you are already in a relationship, he will not suddenly change his mind because he discovered a number value. He already likes you as you are so just go with it.
7. Telling him off lets him know he still has you
Calling or going to see a guy just to tell him how done you are with him conveys the exact opposite message. It is the same as telling a car dealer you are not interested in the vehicle, yet continuing to follow him around the lot saying how much you dislike it. If you are really done, then be done and move on. Stop answering his calls, reading his texts and responding to online postings. Nothing sends a clearer message to a guy than to cease all contact. Anything else is to fool yourself.
8. Beware of older men
It is no secret that many girls and women find guys who are a bit older more attractive. And if he happens to show some interest in you, you start to believe you must be more mature for your age or something of the like. The problem is in most cases, he does not take you seriously or considers you easy pickings. It may even be the case that he is immature for his age. But whatever the case, chances are very slim of you being anything more than a conquest or temporary place-filler.
9. If we do not notice, it means we really accept you
Many women become upset when their significant other fails to notice new hairstyles, outfits and other changes in appearance. They feel if he really cared about them, he would pay more attention. But from our viewpoint, we like you however you are. Failure to notice subtle changes usually means we are comfortable enough with you to no longer judge your general appearance.
10. Do not pitch something as quality time when it is really about you
When he abhors going shopping with you, it is not always because he dislikes spending time with you. It tends to have more to do with the large amount of time he may spend sitting, wandering aimlessly or watching you try on clothing. He will respect you for being upfront about it being a favor to you, rather than chalking it up to quality time. It may also lead him to be more receptive to the idea of quality time when it is no longer associated with those kinds of experiences.
11. We will use your friends to get to you
Something many men are aware of is if we can get in good with your friends, we have a better chance of getting to you. Sometimes it is us being too shy to approach you directly, and other times it is all a part of the game. The point is to not easily become attracted to someone based primarily on your friends’ opinions. Take the time to see what he is about for yourself or you may expose yourself to manipulation.
12. Winning the battle may lose the war
It is inevitable that couples will argue at some point. And when it comes to arguments, women’s reputation to do what it takes to win precedes them. But if you truly care about the long-term health of the relationship, be wary of just how low you are willing to go to win. Public humiliation would definitely be a level to avoid if not for him, than for your own dignity.
13. Believe your mirror
If you look in a mirror and do not like what you see, please reconsider what purpose asking him really serves. Encouragement is great and all, but a coerced compliment is simply hollow validation. And as noted earlier, the validation of others makes for an unstable foundation to build self-esteem upon. But if you have actual weight issues, put some time into nutrition and fitness. Avoid being one of the those people who prefers a compliment to progress. Most importantly, if you are hard on yourself, the most meaningful compliment will usually come from the person in the mirror. Learn to love yourself without also deceiving yourself.
14. Belittling will have the opposite effect
Unfortunately, most men are aware that talking down to some women will actually draw them closer to them. They will in turn work to appease the guy leveling the disparaging remarks. However, this almost always works the other way around for men; especially when the significant other is the one doing it. This is not to say you should give up, but to assess what is effective for motivating him.
15. We care about body image too
The history of women having a disproportionate amount of pressure put on their appearance in comparison to men is well documented. This should not be taken to mean that men cannot be sensitive about their bodies as well. So before feeling free to ogle that actor’s abs or mentioning the growing gut, imagine how you would take similar comments.
16. When we say “nothing” we usually mean it
Cliché as it is, many women will in fact ask men, “So what are you thinking about?” This is even less avoidable should said man chuckle about a random thought within earshot. Almost just as cliché is the common response of, “nothing” on our part. Now when women tell a guy “nothing”, it may mean she really wants him to dig deeper. When men say “nothing”, it often means it was a random thought or something you probably would not get anyway. This then makes it ironic when it is finally pulled out of us and the response is, “I don’t get it.” For men, “nothing” is rarely an invitation to dig.
17. We can be supported, but not molded
You can support and encourage a man in what he wants to achieve, but he cannot be shaped into the man you want him to be. What this means is you should look for someone with the values you desire in a mate, rather than hoping you can do a fixer-upper on someone.
18. Do not expect to be his exception
When you see a man be disrespectful to his exes and others around him, believe that is who he is. Do not deceive yourself into thinking your love will somehow cause him to treat you entirely different than anyone else. Yes he may be sweet in the beginning, but eventually he will become just as comfortable doing the same to you.
19. He really can control his temper
There should be not tolerance for a man to ever abuse you in any way. Do not fall for the excuses of stress at work or he just lost control. It needs to be clear where you stand and justifications will not fly. The thing is, his control would have magically kicked in if you were swapped out with a 350 lb. linebacker. And if he still would have done the same, then you really need to leave because he cannot be reasoned with.
20. Focus on the future rather than the day
Marriage can be a wonderful way to truly learn what it means to love and share your life with someone. The wedding day is the initiation into this lifetime endeavor. Therefore it is healthy to see it as just that, an initiation. Do not fall into the trap of placing so much promise and expectation into that day being perfect, that you forget you have the rest of your life to make memories.
By Corey Dorsey